megrey's Cancer Blog
November 13, 2007
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My husband is dying of kidney cancer. I’m so scared, so sad. Does anyone out there have a clue as to how to say goodbye to your best friend, you soul mate? I need a sense that someone out there knows what this is like…
09.13.08 - 
Thanks for your support -
Megrey, I wish I knew what to say to ease the pain. Your fear and pain is so evident in your entry.
There is no clear process on saying good-bye or letting someone go. Cherish every day you have with him. Be with him as much as you can. Surround him with things and people he loves. When he’s up to it, take him to the places he loves. Take pictures and videos so you and your family can cherish the memories.
I’m also sure he’s worried about you so work on taking care of yourself. He probably also knows how scared you are and I’ll bet he’s scared, too. Reassure him. Tell him to focus on getting well. I’m a firm believer that as long as a person is alive, there’s always hope, always a chance to win the war regardless of the grim news.
Do you have a strong support system? Take advantage of that.
You and your husband are in my prayers. Huge hug…Grace
I have been asking myself these same questions…just love him….
Thanks for the warm and lvoing thoughts; I realize this is a site for cancer patients and survivors, not for family members. I’m sorry if I overstepped my bounds.
With love – Megan
I have inoperable cancer and I am living pass the predicted time.
What I would like someone to do is hold my hand, or cradle me and say, you are not alone, I am here for you. I love you so much ! I have always loved you and that will be forever. You may want to get in bed and lie down beside your husband, depending on whether that will cause any pain. Don’t be grim, that is the last thing anyone very sick person wants, I personally perfer to feel positive happy hopeful energy from people. I would like to hear people talk about the good times, the happy times.
PLEASE DO NOT SAY, I DO NOT KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, I HAVE ALWAYS HAD GOOD HEALTH AND I HAVE NEVER HAD POOR HEALTH. INSTEAD KEEP ON EQUAL GROUND.Really really and truly let your husband know you are beside him, there for him, he is not alone, you are on this journey together.
Dear Megan, when i had cancer in 97 my wife was terrified and I was touched by her concern. When i went for surgery my younger brother left work(two hundred miles away) to be at the hospital when I awoke. When my older brother died of prostate cancer and a stroke I could tell by the look in his eyes (he could no longer speak) that he was happy I could be there. When my elderly father died from age and bone cancer he too was simply glad I was able to be there. If you love someone , they are just glad that you can be there. I know from experience.It may be sad they are leaving , but for you to be there means there is at least to some ONE on this earth that they are SPECIAL. Some people have no one and die alone. Just be there and they know .
One other note, and I do not know how advanced your cancer is , but I have a blog ,eagblog and a website you can reach through that blog IF you you want more info, but look up tumeric and milkthistle on the web as they have been used by liver patients (cancer and Hep C) and shiitake has been studied by the japanese.If you wish to follow up you may want to ask your doctor if you can use these. I dealt with the Goldman Philanthropic Foundation and they are sponsoring a study at Mass. U. where a women used herbs to treat her breast cancer. She, like myself, is alive and cancer free. Your doctor , or yourself may wish to see what they are using.This may be a help, or it may not. But I have mentioned it.
Megan, my wife still gets terrified when I get a cold or a flu because I was sick all the time when I had the cancer.What I am stressing , it means the world to your husband that you care.And there is nothing more precious than that. Good luck and all the best. Ed Greenhalgh
I have terminal cancer too. I also worked many years as a critical care nurse and was with many people and their families as my patients transitioned into the next life. Here is what I have learned and what I hope to hear: Do not say goodbye, for no matter your beliefs we don’t know what lies beyond. Goodbye is painful to hear.
Let him know that your love and friendship is eternal across all boundaries.
Reassure him that you will be okay. He is just as worried about you being alone and having to carry all of the burdens alone now.
Show him how competent you are. Let him know that you always have needed him and that your connection to him made you strong, and because of him you will be able to take care of things and he needn’t worry.
Hold him close. If he is able, share memories. Help him to transition, your love will take you there. He will be free of the pain, and the worry. You will both find peace.
Eternal love, joy, and light to you and your husband, with love, Gaile
Thank you Megan, your kind words were most appreciated because there are days encouragement is greatly needed. Many people are going thru what you are and they will continue to support you as you they. I liked Gaile’s comments to you .Best wishes . Edward.
My heart goes out to you Megan. I lost my wife to ovarian cancer this past May after a year of seemingly endless surgeries, treatments and all of the other pain and suffering.
The most lingering guilt that I have through the whole thing is centered around the things I didn’t say, even though I stayed with her for the last six months (quit work) and neither of us had any doubt of our love for each other, I just wish that I had hung for five more minutes every day. You need to remember that your husband “gets” to die, but you have to live with this for the rest of your life, and no matter how badly you want to…you can’t trade places. Just find the courage to say what you feel what you need to, because….once again…you’re the one who has to live. God bless you.
P.S. You can find my wife Karens blog under ovarian cancer, KLGH
Megan – This site was built for people like you, cancer patients and friends and family. I encourage more family members to sign up like yourself. Please, please post away. We are all thinking of you.