megrey's Cancer Blog
February 22, 2008
I will be signing off from this site. My husband, Jim, died January 9, peacefully at home. He fought long and hard for a year, and I am so, so proud of him for that. Thanks for your thoughts, prayers, and willingness to share your experiences. My deepest hopes and best wishes for all out there going through this themselves or with family members.
Respectfully,
Megan
November 13, 2007
My husband is dying of kidney cancer. I’m so scared, so sad. Does anyone out there have a clue as to how to say goodbye to your best friend, you soul mate? I need a sense that someone out there knows what this is like…
Megrey, I wish I knew what to say to ease the pain. Your fear and pain is so evident in your entry.
There is no clear process on saying good-bye or letting someone go. Cherish every day you have with him. Be with him as much as you can. Surround him with things and people he loves. When he’s up to it, take him to the places he loves. Take pictures and videos so you and your family can cherish the memories.
I’m also sure he’s worried about you so work on taking care of yourself. He probably also knows how scared you are and I’ll bet he’s scared, too. Reassure him. Tell him to focus on getting well. I’m a firm believer that as long as a person is alive, there’s always hope, always a chance to win the war regardless of the grim news.
Do you have a strong support system? Take advantage of that.
You and your husband are in my prayers. Huge hug…Grace
Posted on I have been asking myself these same questions…just love him….
Posted on Thanks for the warm and lvoing thoughts; I realize this is a site for cancer patients and survivors, not for family members. I’m sorry if I overstepped my bounds.
With love – Megan
Posted on I have inoperable cancer and I am living pass the predicted time.
What I would like someone to do is hold my hand, or cradle me and say, you are not alone, I am here for you. I love you so much ! I have always loved you and that will be forever. You may want to get in bed and lie down beside your husband, depending on whether that will cause any pain. Don’t be grim, that is the last thing anyone very sick person wants, I personally perfer to feel positive happy hopeful energy from people. I would like to hear people talk about the good times, the happy times.
PLEASE DO NOT SAY, I DO NOT KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, I HAVE ALWAYS HAD GOOD HEALTH AND I HAVE NEVER HAD POOR HEALTH. INSTEAD KEEP ON EQUAL GROUND.Really really and truly let your husband know you are beside him, there for him, he is not alone, you are on this journey together.
Dear Megan, when i had cancer in 97 my wife was terrified and I was touched by her concern. When i went for surgery my younger brother left work(two hundred miles away) to be at the hospital when I awoke. When my older brother died of prostate cancer and a stroke I could tell by the look in his eyes (he could no longer speak) that he was happy I could be there. When my elderly father died from age and bone cancer he too was simply glad I was able to be there. If you love someone , they are just glad that you can be there. I know from experience.It may be sad they are leaving , but for you to be there means there is at least to some ONE on this earth that they are SPECIAL. Some people have no one and die alone. Just be there and they know .
One other note, and I do not know how advanced your cancer is , but I have a blog ,eagblog and a website you can reach through that blog IF you you want more info, but look up tumeric and milkthistle on the web as they have been used by liver patients (cancer and Hep C) and shiitake has been studied by the japanese.If you wish to follow up you may want to ask your doctor if you can use these. I dealt with the Goldman Philanthropic Foundation and they are sponsoring a study at Mass. U. where a women used herbs to treat her breast cancer. She, like myself, is alive and cancer free. Your doctor , or yourself may wish to see what they are using.This may be a help, or it may not. But I have mentioned it.
Megan, my wife still gets terrified when I get a cold or a flu because I was sick all the time when I had the cancer.What I am stressing , it means the world to your husband that you care.And there is nothing more precious than that. Good luck and all the best. Ed Greenhalgh
Posted on I have terminal cancer too. I also worked many years as a critical care nurse and was with many people and their families as my patients transitioned into the next life. Here is what I have learned and what I hope to hear: Do not say goodbye, for no matter your beliefs we don’t know what lies beyond. Goodbye is painful to hear.
Let him know that your love and friendship is eternal across all boundaries.
Reassure him that you will be okay. He is just as worried about you being alone and having to carry all of the burdens alone now.
Show him how competent you are. Let him know that you always have needed him and that your connection to him made you strong, and because of him you will be able to take care of things and he needn’t worry.
Hold him close. If he is able, share memories. Help him to transition, your love will take you there. He will be free of the pain, and the worry. You will both find peace.
Eternal love, joy, and light to you and your husband, with love, Gaile
Posted on Thank you Megan, your kind words were most appreciated because there are days encouragement is greatly needed. Many people are going thru what you are and they will continue to support you as you they. I liked Gaile’s comments to you .Best wishes . Edward.
My heart goes out to you Megan. I lost my wife to ovarian cancer this past May after a year of seemingly endless surgeries, treatments and all of the other pain and suffering.
The most lingering guilt that I have through the whole thing is centered around the things I didn’t say, even though I stayed with her for the last six months (quit work) and neither of us had any doubt of our love for each other, I just wish that I had hung for five more minutes every day. You need to remember that your husband “gets” to die, but you have to live with this for the rest of your life, and no matter how badly you want to…you can’t trade places. Just find the courage to say what you feel what you need to, because….once again…you’re the one who has to live. God bless you.
P.S. You can find my wife Karens blog under ovarian cancer, KLGH
Megan – This site was built for people like you, cancer patients and friends and family. I encourage more family members to sign up like yourself. Please, please post away. We are all thinking of you.
Posted on 
Thanks for your support - 
Megan – I am sorry to hear about your husband and best friend. I am still under the assumption that everyone on here, and out there are going to turn out okay, that they are going to beat it. It is tough to realize this is just not how it works. I am thinking of you. Best wishes to you too.
Megan, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. My heart just breaks for you. Although he didn’t die from cancer, I lost my husband in May, 2006, so I can understand some of the hurt and loneliness that you feel. I don’t know how old your husband was but from the pic, he looked young. My husband was 70 years old. I also lost my 39 year old son in 2003. I know there is not much I can say to make it feel any better at this time. I just wanted you to know that I care. Love you, Joyce from NC.
Oh I wish you were still on the site Megan… maybe you still check in? My husband is dying from metastatic rectal cancer that is now in his lungs and is inoperable (6 tumors).... We have been together for 25 years since high school and married for almost 20 years. I have only faced my adult life with him by my side and I am feeling like I am going to be so completely alone in this life it is indescribable. We have two boys 11yrs and 6yrs old I am just hoping to talk with someone that can relate to what I am experiencing and we can help each other through.
Wendy
Dear Megan; I just read your good bye and I hope that you return to the site as you can be of help to others. I am so sorry for your loss and right now I am sure you want to steer as far away from the word Cancer as possible. That is only natural and everyone does understand that. Your love for your husband will live on for you and you can be proud of his strength and take that as your guiding light in your future. Yes you do have a future for which you need to live bravely and vicariously for the both of you. Big task but you can do it. Believe it or not you might find this sight a place to begin the healing. Everyone here needs someone to talk to, better someone who has been through it. Some of the posts are from members of a family who are trying to do their best for their loved one. You can help them I’m sure. May god be good to you and please believe that you have an important role ahead. Love Louise from Canada eh…..